I think I'm losing my mind

You know, the funny thing is, this time I really don't have any qualms putting myself out there for you :> But hey, enough of talking about mundane things like BOYS. Let this blog move on to happier things that put the shine in the sky ! For instance, my awesome friends. Maybe I should be studying , but they realllllly have been there for me since forever and really deserve a shout out!

But maybe not today. I have China to read up on :/

Smells like a teenage dream

It's been so long since I've truly written anything about my life down that I've quite forgotten how it feels like ; how the words twist around my tongue like vines, swimming through my brain like mist . It's been so long, that I've quite forgotten how to live ! Time for me to find myself again in lilting words , to immerse myself in shining prose and poetry. I crave it , I crave the words running through my body like threads , in all the colours of the world . Maybe writing all of these down will help me find my glass heart again, maybe it won't be awkward to be the girl with the pearl earring, the one who is loved by men she shouldn't allow to love her . Maybe then it'll be alright, for me to look out at the world again through kaleidoscopic eyes. But enough of such frivolity for the moment , can you deduce that I've tasted love again ? Maybe that's the reason why I've begun to write again . Each time I fall in love it's like the words just keep coming , they create themselves out of the smallest flowers , the biggest cracks , the murkiest water , the clearest dreams . The words enshrine themselves in fur cowls , tucked away into the rich recesses of my heart . So much so, that if I do noe them down , I'd just burst! Millions of shrapnels , slivers of light penetrate my body and soul as I find that breath I've long been seeking again. Rainbows, unicorns- whatever catches the flights of my fancy! He's a perfect boy. They (both) are. But one, will always be that one perfect boy. You know, child of the moon, I drown in your gait everytime you walk past. I wade through your eyes like they were the darkest pool of water. I stand and just let your aura, your charisma, your being, wash over me in waves. You douse me in flames, but they don't burn- no, not like they used to- but they lick and embalm me. Encircling my heart, I am for once, in a long time, warm.


Our friendship
Keeps me alive one day after another

Letters to Crushes. Leaves in the Bushes. See the stars in the navy universe sky smile down at you.

Top New Year's Resolutions.

Get fit.
Lose weight.
Enjoy life more.
Quit drinking.
Get organized.
Learn something new.
Get out of debt.
Spend more time with the family.
Help others.
Save money.
Get a better education.
Reduce stress.
Take a trip.
Volunteer.
Spend more time with friends.
Start loving yourself.
Spend less money.
Become more spiritual.
Find a soulmate.
Spend less time on the computer.

Learn how to play a musical instrument.
Finish school.
Stop doing drugs.

I want to have light vision. See the night landscape in navy and gold. Lurex throw over my shoulders, shivering in the wane orange the sun shines down upon me. I find so many things beautiful in a way I can't even describe. Should I spend eighty dollars on a lurex cardigan with gold foil trimmings, should I buy a cake for my sister's birthday? Should I this, and I should not that. The sky isn't the limit, as we all are led to believe. January approaches and I need to get a grip on myself. The concrete sidewalks beckon after a particularly lazy day at school. Khaki uniform, eyelet pullover and bright orange leather suitcase that lies open on the floor beside me. Sigh and look into the open thicket with bright, hopeful eyes. Dimmed by the sunlight of day, my heart weakens at the thought of tomorrow.

I see televisions at best buy, rolling stones in glass-panelled windows. I stop at one and gaze inside, my breath fogging up the glass. My reflection is like a ghost; purple, and vague. Plastic bags in the dumpster, peering over the fire escape, hair hanging about my face like curtains. I dream of green hills and satanic cows, snow that never comes. In two days it shall be Christmas Eve, and my room is bare like a baby's bottom. But it's hey okay, because I am just ridding myself of all the memories that have kept me cycling backwards for the past four years. It's pointless mopping up spilled milk or moaning over curdled cheese. Too long too much for Too many Days. Sweeping the dust under the carpet no longer works, neither do cardboard lists printed on aluminium foil and fake instax photos on the walls. The sparkles settle on the sette, my day here is done.

Fridays are now spent aboard the festive ship with guns a' blazing and dolphins alongside. Christmas is approaching and I hear the wind howling with the scent of nutmeg and hot chocolate in the air. The time of year with silver bells and white hopes avant.

sv 'm thank you very much I'm cold, sorceress, coveted. Disregard of authority, complicity. You are beneathe me, six feeth, why should I not? Reasons like leaves, falling.

Chanel vernis #001 in Jade. Does it tell you what my heart is adorned with now? Red lips and cornrowed hair, side parts. I hate my job. Infestation, uncontrollable rage. It consumes me with blind anger, hazes, burrows. I hate it. It feels dank, like a brick wall, almost like bracken. Grey, colourless, monotonous. Death, consuming.

Today I'm not gonna' hide no more , no no. It's the little things that make a difference. Eye bags, tea leaves at the bottom of a cup. What I perceive as blatantly ugly might not be so to others. A simple circle fallen off the heart of a necklace could also serve to accessorise one's finger. For now I will head out into the dreary dawn and hope that birds of paradis will flock down and bless me. Cave Canis.